When is Enough truly Enough?

Today, I have some questions and some dreadful insights into life to share.

At what stage do you give up?
When do you finally decide that, no matter how many chances are thrown at you, everything still ends up bad?
"Na who give up, fuck up."—but does that apply to everything and everyone?

Why does it even matter to try again when the easy way out is to just stop?
I mean, I’ll just start all over. I’m already failing—why see it to the end?

People often say they regret not doing something. But how do you believe a hypothetical action could change your situation?
It all sounds so simple when people throw around their motivational phrases. But they hang on my shoulders like a long, exhausting day on the farm.

• It is you against you.

• You already know the answer.

• You’ve got this. You can do it.

The list goes on, each one implying that we are in control. That we steer the wheel of our lives.
But tell me—shall I call it a joke? A fluke? Another way to sound better than others?

You really think I don’t want to tell myself to stop and do better?
Why are humans so condescending to each other?
When I talk to myself, You call me crazy. What? I am trying to steer that wheel. innit?When I do things differently, I’m weird.

But bold of you to assume I control what goes on in my head.
Because, for real—I don’t.

So, back to my question.
When is enough really enough?
When is self-loathing justifiable?
When does self-perishing become dignified?

They say, "Think outside the box."
What box?
Perhaps the box we are all trying to gauge our sanity with is just a speculation—something that doesn’t even exist.

Just because you think you helped yourself doesn’t mean I won’t seek help to figure out what’s wrong with me.
If I was born whole, I wouldn’t have needed a placenta and an umbilical cord, now would I?
If we were all truly self-sufficient, I guess we could be born by ourselves.

But here’s the bigger question—why do I even think I have a choice in winning or losing?
Why must it always be happiness or sadness?
What if there’s a third variable? Scratch that—what if there’s a fourth?
Who would know? Since our minds have been compelled to think the same way.

Right now, People think mediocrity is the new failure.
But in another time, today’s mediocrity was yesterday’s excellence.
So everyone is out in the streets, chasing exceptionalism.
And yet, someday, someone will step forward, name your greatness “mediocre,” and feel proud about it.

The very purpose of living is now in jeopardy—defined and redefined by what society calls the new normal.

I say all of this with the existential belief that you are seen and heard.
But it reminds me of a Quranic verse:

"Verily, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." (Q13:11)

So until you and I find a middle ground between the noise in our heads and the noise in the world—
Nothing will really change.

To become great, we must go through change.
Even in that verse, change is the game-changer.

Perhaps we must wither to flourish.
Perhaps we must be hale to be ill.

Whether you go fast or slow—
Whether you give up or fight—
Whether you get the help you need along the way—
Whether you pause or push through—

All these answers? I don’t have them.
For I am a wayfarer, just like you.

We till the land differently. The stars may shine for you and turn surly for me.
“Why?” You might ask.
I reckon that question is insignificant—for what use is why if it doesn’t fetch me water to quench my thirst?

Another verse I didn’t mention says:

"Did you think We created you in play and that you would not be brought back to Us?" (Q23:115)

So whether you keep going or not, you will still be held accountable for the life you lived.

And on that day, when everything is laid bare—neither my words nor anyone else’s will matter.
Not even your desires.

-Hameedah